Provided For

cait

I grew up believing that having financial debt was evil; that I was failing at being a steward if my finances were not ideal. Even though I had money to give away, I began to hoard it for myself because I had to solve my debt. It became my priority and I alone had to fix it. Our consumerism soaked culture took hold of my heart and drowned me in a whirlpool of lies. I was suffocated by anxiety about money. Constant thoughts kept pouring in, “We shouldn’t have bought that mirror, or that coat, or those chocolate bars”. The chains were tight around my wrists. I was not free and I had to work to pay off my mistakes regarding finances. Because I made those mistakes, I believed that the Father would not provide me for because He does not want me to have nice things – it’s His punishment. My prayer to Jesus was that I would not be a Judas. Not as a betrayer, but as a greedy, selfish, untrusting servant. Judas despised Mary for pouring out expensive perfume on Jesus’ feet and made the excuse that the money could have been used for the poor. He completely failed to see the sacrifice she made for her Saviour and King and that Jesus is invaluable.

Jesus began to take hold of those chains and broke them. He came as a warrior between my finances and me and released me from the lies. Everything belongs to Him, all of creation including money. Money has no power over me, and it doesn’t give me power. Jesus loves providing, especially to His children and He is my source. From the advice of members in the church, I abdicated any responsibility over finances. It was killing me and I needed to separate myself from even looking at our financial state. By doing so, I had to trust Jesus that He would provide and protect. I no longer believe that debt is a sin because there is grace for finances. He forgives my mistakes and does not withhold good things to punish me. He is the creator and giver of my finances and they belong to Him so He will perfectly take care of me. Therefore, I can give my money away. Through corpus I learned that we are a holy priesthood, set apart for God, therefore belonging to God. Generosity illuminates holiness. Jesus gave and poured out onto the poor and expects us to echo His role as servant. No longer do I want to hoard my money for fear of having debt and trying to fix the numbers on a bank statement. If God has given me the money, and it belongs to Him, certainly I can give it to those in need and He will ensure I am restored and provided for. God has transformed my heart with regards to finances and in the most compassionate way, compelled me to trust Him. I am not Judas. 

-Cait